Today was always going to be an emotional day for me. I was supposed to write about my miscarriage. However, as happens far too often in life, that emotional day will have to wait. You see, this week our family suffered a devastating tragedy. This week our precious, beautiful niece died from complications that stemmed from open heart surgery. She was only 27 years old.
We are in mourning. We are still processing what happened– the events that led our niece to be on the operating table, the impact of her life on us and many, many others. I imagine this is the kind of thing you never get over. You really aren’t supposed to. Parents are not meant to outlive their children. And yet, it happens. It happens too often.. and the pain is unbearable regardless of the circumstances.
So, my thoughts are elsewhere right now.
- How is it that the many little, inconsequential decisions we make every day have the most profound impact on the trajectory of our lives?
- What kind of person will Sweet Pea grow up to be?
- How much control, if any, do I ultimately have in shaping the person she will become?
- How do you define impact? What does it mean to live a life that really matters to other people?
- What kind of impact do I have on those around me? Is it positive? Negative? Negligible?
- How can someone ever recover from overwhelming grief? Is it even possible?
- What could have been?
- Why was our niece’s life taken? Why her? Why now?
I can’t even begin to answer these questions. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.
However, I do know one source of comfort.. especially in times like this. God. After all, God certainly knows what it is like to lose a child… His son. His only son. I pray that my brother-in-law, and any other parent who is grieving the loss of a child, can take comfort in the fact that our Creator quite literally can understand the profound sense of loss that comes with this type of grief. I also think of Jesus’ interaction with the Widow at Nain— how he went out of his way to comfort her, to grieve with her.
We do not have a God who is detached, aloof, removed. We have a loving father who cares deeply for us… and when we hurt, He hurts too.
That actually is very comforting to me right now.
So, I will leave you with this– a few verses that are on my heart today, this week. If you are struggling with the death of a loved one, I hope they provide you a measure of comfort too:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. ~Psalms 34:18 (NLT)
In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give away and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. ~Psalms 46:1-3 (NIV)
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)
Thank you for reading,
Thanks again to everyone who linked up to Thoughtful Thursday this past week.
Here are some of the many posts that really resonated with me this week!
- Once again Books and Giggles won me over with her excellent post on how to pick children’s books I will love too. We are big readers in our family and trust me… I have suffered through plenty of stinkers! This is a great resource! http://www.booksandgiggles.com/2015/04/how-to-pick-childrens-books-youll-adore.html
- The Few, The Proud, and This Marine Wife wrote a very touching post about how a Christian can navigate the murky waters of depression. I was really touched… especially this week. http://andthismarinewife.com/2015/04/when-depression-attacks-faith.html
- How could I resist this great Mother’s Day themed post from Bestowing Fire. I hope Sweet Pea considers me irreplaceable as well! http://www.bestowingfire.com/Irreplaceable.html
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